Trying new things can be horrible. It can be terrifying to be a beginner at something and spend every moment worrying about messing up or saying the wrong thing. What if you slip up and do something that is totally forbidden? How are you supposed to know which steps to take and which ones will set off the booby traps? When we try new things, we sometimes want someone to turn to in order to ask questions. What do you do when the thing that you’re trying is out of the ordinary? Who do you turn to when what you’re trying isn’t something that just anyone might have experience in? It can be hard to feel alone in a new hobby or interest, especially when it comes to BDSM. When something calls to you, you have to go for it, even if you’re afraid.
When you first start thinking about BDSM and really feel that hunger, it can be hard to choose how to begin. Without a teacher of sorts, it can seem like an insurmountable task. In spite of your lack of guidance, you can still get advice on BDSM. There are numerous articles and blogs and books about how to start. What you need are some basic strategies to start things up. Learn About BDSM – How To Be The Best Dom You Can Be. A guide is exactly what you are looking for when you first start out. You may be on your own and trying to find a partner to experiment with, there are resources for that. You may be part of a couple and the other person is the one who is primarily interested in experimentation, there are resources for that. You may even be in a couple in which both parties are interested in trying this out but you are unsure who is the dominant and who is the sub, or maybe you’re a bit of both and you don’t know what to try first. No matter what scenario you’re in, there are people out there who have been there and they can help you get through it. For most people, the journey to understanding their BDSM desires begins with baby steps and here are some tips on just what steps to take.
Putting It to Words
At the beginning, the most important thing you need to explore is inside of your own head. It’s important to figure out what it is exactly that draws you to BDSM. Is it the thought of being naughty and trying things that are ‘bad’? Is it the excitement of being dominated and completely giving up control? Is it the thought of having someone entirely at your mercy and watching them get off on your power? If you don’t know what it is that draws you, it can be harder to figure out which beginner steps you should be taking. Once you’ve pinned down what it is that excites you about this kind of play, you will have a better idea of what to look into and what things to stick on the back burner.
Let’s assume you’re into it for the power dynamic, regardless of which side you fall on. If this is the case, you will want to begin by trying out some ‘safer’ or tamer ways of surrendering or taking control. A really good beginner move is using a blindfold. Sight is a powerful sense and, when we take it away, it can be scary and invigorating. To know that someone else is in the room but to be unsure of what they might do to you or when their fingers might find your skin can make people drip. It can also be thrilling to be the one in charge here. If you have your partner blinded and you get to control how long their anticipation builds and when it will be rewarded with touch that can be enough to tighten the fit of your trousers.
The Little Things
Another tip for a BDSM beginner is to remember that a little can go a long way. Half of the thrill lies in the waiting. The mind can build up so much tension that the touch can lead to big rewards. This is true for both the submissive and the dominant. For the submissive, wondering when something is going to happen is a powerful motivator. The same touch can have a much greater effect if it is timed well as opposed to doled out thoughtlessly. For a dominant, the point is to make their emotions your bitch. You want their every feeling, pleasure, pain, fear, excitement, to be yours. If you know how to wield tension as one of your tools, you will benefit greatly as well.
Tension can be built in numerous ways. Let us say you are using a crop for this session. If you gently tap on or draw circles over an area while describing what you plan to do to it, you can make your sub’s skin crawl. Imagine the leather caressing their skin while you whisper sweet nothings of how hard you plan to hit them, how many times, or even begin a countdown. You don’t have to deliver on any of these things, you can make them wait. Or you can gift them with one hit and make them wait for the next. The anticipation is half of the fun.
The Most Important Thing
The most important, and possibly underappreciated, BDSM tip for a newbie is to talk first. It is so important to know what each person is expecting and what they like. You don’t want to assume things of your partner just to spend half of your time together not hitting their buttons; it is important to be honest. If there is something you want to experience during a session, you need to speak up. If there is something you do not like or are not ready to try, talk about it. By letting the other person know your expectations, you can improve your sexual pleasure and experience. If they know you are timid about being choked but want to try it, they will go easy on you and try to help guide you through your first experience with it. If you do not want to be hit on the breasts and you don’t say something, they might do it because the last person they were with really enjoyed it. They can’t read your mind and you can’t read theirs so just be as open and honest as you can.
The last piece of advice for your first BDSM experience is to enjoy it. The whole point is to enjoy it. Sex should be exciting and fun and pleasurable. BDSM sex is still sex so it should be all of these things and then some. Should you have a serious talk before you get down to business? Of course, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be arousing just to talk about it. Should you be sincere in both your words and listening? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get wet from the anticipation of all the things you’re going to try. Respect your partner and respect yourself. If you really want to make BDSM a part of your sex life, you want the first time to be a good one. Otherwise, you or your partner might be afraid to venture into this kind of sex again and that is the last thing you want.